New York Nights

The Heat Of Summer Sunshine

Looking hot on my holidays is something I’ve always struggled with...Nope, In fact scratch that, ‘HOT’ is something  of which abroad, I am the fucking queen...crispy cheeked, puffy faced, sausage fingered, and fat footed with a whopping ‘fro rivalling that of Don King,  and more sweat patches than you can shake a stick at. Beautiful.

It’s the usual practice by the pool, slump on my sun lounger in burkini-esqu lycra ensemble. Unable to avert my gaze from those leggy  Swedish looking birds, bemused as I tuck into goods from the all inclusive burger bar. Surrounded by hoards of horny hunks in trunks, their shimmery golden skin glistens, posing perfectly pouted like posh, flirtatiously flicking their golden manes with not a single strand out of place...breakfast club eat your heart out, any second I’m expecting a spritely John Hughes to emerge and yell ‘CUT’ and the beauty and wardrobe department will roll on in for touch ups.

Pffffft.

 I bet I could be a celebrity, I‘ve always fancied myself in a glamorous girl band, or sod it why not even the next bond girl “Mr Bond I believe you’ve been expecting...let’s face it someone a bit fitter probably” Still, whilst a handful of boots beauty products and helping hand from the high street won’t work miracles, i do expect they will help to channel my inner Hollywood goddess this summer.

Spring Forward

Trilbys off to River Island, the new 2012 swimwear collection is el scorchio!

Work bronzed ‘biza goddess in gorgeous feather and tassel trimmed ‘kinis, Love the illusion of bigger baps with feminine and fabulous 3D floral frills, or showcase your curves in a classic cut-away one piece!

Plus! Stores are now stocking beach wear by club-brand Pacha-perfect for sunset soirees and pool-side posing! Whether you’re gearing up to ‘ave’ it on the original granddaddy of hedonism, or prepping for peace in paradise, head over to www.riverisland.com to make sure you’re sizzling this spring/summer.

Bags With Swag

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Cream Of The Crops

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Slipper-Snag

You know when you really want to like something, but no matter how hard you try you have something that it really reminds you of stuck in your head? A bit like denim flares, yes, they do flatter your shape but no matter how many times you try them on, all you can see is your wild and rebellious hippy mother staring back at you from under her circular Lennon style glasses? Enter these camel slippers from Topshop, very versatile and sensibly stylish, yet, I just can’t help but picture ‘Sarah’ in the classic 80’s fantasy flick ‘The Labyrinth’ played by the beautiful Jennifer Connelly!

Lookin’ fancy for a fiver

Feeling the winter blues,the arctic bite? Purse strings(and skinnys) dismally tight? Like most fashionista folk, right now I’d much rather be spending my pennies on Boohoo bests than British gas. Yup things sure ain’t what they used to be, blimey, a fiver scarcely covers a bus ride into town these days and will barely buy your milk, eggs n bread at your local ‘Tesco- every little costs alot!’

I remember the teenage glory days of 90’s when my mum would sly me a twenty for a shopping spree. Patting that note in my pocket and smugly nodding to my mates in Tammy, I felt the biz.

This got me thinking, In 2012 can you still get that thrifty thrill?...

Oh yes... I’ve been a woman on a mission-(whoa-oh!) And alas! My bargain busting days have paid off...and busting makes you feel good! Behold!

What I found for five whole pounds

In the fabulous Topshop sale, this tomato maxi will look fierce prancing on the promenade simply accessorised with tropical tan and casual gladiators, or turn up the glam with a gold statement necklace and bling bangles. I can’t wait to rock my fancy fiver frock on my holls later this year!

And still, whilst my finances may need to thaw out a little longer, at least I can continue concealing that extra xmas pork in gigantic jumpers and cosy oversized sleep suits-god bless the onesie!